“At its best, family is the home we carry inside of us, a haven in a troubled word.  And even at its most trying, family still helps us, expanding our capacity for tolerance and escorting us (sometimes kicking and screaming) into new realms of understanding.”
~O Magazine, December 2001

Family Drama.  Every family has their own version of it, and my family is certainly no exception.  My family divided like the Red Sea when I was in my late twenties.  My parents and two oldest siblings on one side, and my other sister and I on the other.  From the outside looking in, my family appeared to be a “normal” family – two loving parents and four kids. Growing up, we sat down to dinner together every night, and had Sunday family dinners with relatives and/or significant others.  Despite being so much younger than my siblings, we all played together whether it was kick the can in the street with the rest of the neighborhood kids, late night swims in our pool, or shooting hoops in our backyard.  While that image of normal did exist, the inside view showed a more storied version.  Eventually, that storied version led to an estrangement that has lasted for nearly twelve years.  What led to that great divide is of little importance to this post – it is in the past (and remember, I’m traveling a new road which is about the present and moving forward.)

This blog post isn’t about the drama,  it’s about how, despite the dysfunction,  family is the one constant (at least in my life) that continually teaches me more about myself than any other experience or relationship.  After twelve years, I recently went back home to visit my sister and to reconcile with my parents.  I was very open to spending time with my mom and dad again, but I didn’t know what to expect from them or what they expected of me or from me. Surprisingly, I was calm about the whole thing.  Sure, I was nervous, but my mind wasn’t riddled with questions. Rather it as filled with answers – I told myself “If anyone wants to rehash the past, I will calmly say that we have all been hurt in one way or another but I’m here to let go of that and to move forward with you one day at a time.” I let go of my fears, I arrived in Tampa with no expectations, and to my surprise – my answers worked.  I was open to the possibilities the long weekend would bring, and feel confident that the result is the start of a new relationship with my family.

Without my family (dysfunction), I’m not sure I would have come to be the person I am today.  I’m a compassionate, hard-working, and loving individual with a great deal of strength, courage, and independence.  I have a fighting spirit that, I know for sure, developed from the examples set forth by family. I’m grateful for my family and what they have taught me.  And I quite like who I’ve become.

There is an Italian saying about family – Chi si volta, e chi si gira, sempre a casa va finire – No matter where you go or turn, you will always end up at home.

What have you learned about yourself from your family experiences?